WHAT WE LEARNED THIS WEEKEND: BARCA SPICE THINGS UP, HEARTS’ SUSHI-CUM-KOKO DIET

It was a weekend filled with lots of weird stuff and WWLTW takes a weird look at the weirdest of them all

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Home and abroad, football was on the menu this weekend, being served
in all flavours. Here at WWLTW, though, we like it best in one particular shade, namely, the ‘weird’ — and, thankfully, we did have
plenty of that.

Join us feast, then!

JO’S MOSS-ED UP SUNDAY

Jonathan Moss’ Sunday wasn’t exactly what the doctor prescribed: no church, no beer, no ‘omo-tuo special’.
Instead he was running out on the King Power Stadium’s turf, officiating the weekend’s biggest game as Leicester City took on West Ham United (really, dude, you still consider Chelsea-Manchester City a top-liner?).
And he didn’t enjoy it very much, although Lord knows he did his utmost to be everyone’s best friend. But, you see, that’s the problem with trying to please everyone: it’s so much of a thankless task.
Anyway, the Hammers got their gifts out of Moss’ bag first, serving a sending-off for Jamie Vardy and a spotkick which helped Slaven Bilic’s side draw level. But just when the home fans were feeling forgotten by Santa Moss, the ref surprised them with a great, big present. It wasn’t the softest penalty you’d ever see awarded, so just why did everyone but Leicester supporters think it was? And, really, why have the beneficiaries themselves shown so little appreciation for that last-gasp opportunity which [converted by Leonardo Ulloa for a point] may just prove the most decisive factor in the weirdest Premier League title race ever?
Then again, Moss has realised, albeit rather belatedly, why Sundays, when committed solely to God, beer, and omo-tuo, can’t go wrong. The basics, Jon — stick to them next time!

HEARTS PUT ‘KOKO’ SUPPLIERS ON HOLD

Hearts of Oak revealed this week that their secret to improved fitness was — drumroll, please — Hausa Koko, the hugely popular, local breakfast beverage.
They say there is no such thing as bad press, of course, and so even though many received this revelation with amusement, none would have been happier than the Phobians’ supplier of said beverage. WWLTW could almost imagine the Daavi- or Hajia-in-charge relishing the obvious image boost and envisioning the complimentary tagline under the mystery company’s name: ‘Official supplier of Hearts of Oak’s breakfast’.

Those dreams would, however, probably have been temporarily frozen by the weekend’s happenings, as Kenichi Yatsuhashi’s men got knocked out of the MTN FA Cup by a second-tier side on penalties.
Whoever runs this koko-making business, then, would be a tad disappointed, having been forced to frantically make the printing company hold on with the new brochures, at least till Hearts string a few more wins together. You really wouldn’t want to announce you provided breakfast for the Premiership team that couldn’t beat Samartex, would you?

GOOD WEEKEND

Rejoice, ye brooding Azulgrana!
WWLTW has quietly observed as your season has moved from brilliant, to bad, to ugly, and then get downright ‘ugl-liant’. Now you — and everyone else — might think this is some slump, given how the goals, swagger and win ratio have dried up so suddenly. However, this even hardly qualifies as a drop in form. It is, in truth, only Luis Enrique’s own subtle way of injecting some much-needed life into Spanish and European football this term. Barcelona had been running at such speed that everyone was left miles behind and struggling to catch up and so, to obtain some company at the top, Enrique had his street-dancing geniuses reduce the motion to a tango. Hence that Uefa Champions League elimination at the hands of Atletico Madrid last week — I mean, come on, who even defends that trophy these days?
Oh, and about the league, well, what’s the fun in winning it with so many games to spare? Surely it’d feel much better drawing all the chasers level and then pipping them in the end by, say, nothing.
And so, beloved, we say unto thee again: REJOICE!

BAD WEEKEND

WWLTW overheard the complaints of an anonymous, self-proclaimed ‘activist for a unique Ghana’ (we’re not quite sure what that means) about the weekend’s MTN FA Cup action. The tournament turned in a rather amazing round, filled with goals, drama, some great football, as well as good old giant-killing feats.
Really, what wasn’t there to like?
Well, according to this activist, the Cup’s latest phase was too reminiscent of an Emirates FA Cup round and, in his opinion, simply wasn’t unique enough. He claims all he saw was more evidence of us “copying the West” and abandoning our ‘uniqueness’. Exactly what he meant, though, WWLTW hasn’t fathomed yet.
Anyway, we only earnestly pray that the fun this critic failed to celebrate continues as the ongoing edition of the FA Cup progresses. Why, we wouldn’t mind if all competing top-flight teams were even kicked out in one round; could you imagine all the amazing things that could be learned on such a weekend?
Shun the killjoys, charley– the Cup rocks!

PICTURE OF THE WEEK

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Last to the bench gets to train with Manchester United for a week
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